Even though I know there are harder things to go through in life besides a breakup, it still seems like the most painful fucking thing a person can experience. My brain and heart are so confused and even a month and a half later each day feels different from the last. I have been doing really great the last 2 weeks but then today was one of the most lonely feeling days I have had yet. To try and make myself feel better, I obviously ventured to IKEA to get some new crap that I decided I wanted on a whim. Thinking this would turn my day around I must say it simply made it worse.
On my way to the magical land that I love it seemed like every song on the radio reminded me of some memory that I shared with the person who I thought was the love of my life. Thinking that it would be over once I stepped into the giant blue building in front of me I was reminded that my favorite holiday season is fast approaching due to the giant Christmas trees and bright red decorations that swarmed around me as I tried to fight my way into a different section of the store. It got even worse as “Her Diamonds” started to play and did not seem to stop until it was time for me to check out. At least it’s over right? Time to leave and get away from these constant reminders?
Abso-fuckin-lutely not. Once I got into my car, I knew that when I get home to my apartment it would be empty and would stay that way for another 2 days until my roommate came home from visiting his lovely fiance. It sent a shooting pain to my heart knowing that there would be nobody to talk to once I got there and I would not be able to show off all my new crap to the person who used to care. It makes it even worse knowing that the same person who I miss, and probably will for a very long time, is leaving my life and I will never be able to have those memories or feelings of excitement again. As I sit here and finish writing whatever this is, I am faced with the constant reminder of that as I look at all the boxes full of his stuff and the posters of the concerts we went to all packed up and ready to leave. I just want this feeling to be over and disappear forever, but unfortunately for me I am forced to play a waiting game that I never wanted to start playing in the first place.
