Carlin!

21st November 2009

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And now a small "poem"

I work with a girl named Stephanie

Her sister is named Michelle

I was depressed when her other sister’s name was not D.J.*

*you may now start snapping.

24th October 2009

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Too Late to Realize!

Last night woke me up to some brand new realizations that would have come in handy more sooner than later. My BFF/roomie and I decided to go out to Prior Lake and visit our friend for her birthday. I have to admit, at first I was a little nervous going all the way out there with no real plan on how to get back after I got my vodka fix for the night. Once we got to the bar and the vodski started flowing through my veins I began to realize I could care less about how I would be venturing home at the end of the evening. I also realized a few other things that hopefully will stick in my memory for a while:

1. When you are drunk you start believing that everyone in the bar knows you and you have shared many memories together.

2. People don’t like to be called “dago cunts”- even if they aren’t Italian.

3. Honda Civics can pose as a bed until you are sober enough to communicate with other humans and find yourself a way to get home.

4. Shamwow’s make terrible blankets.

5. Bar owners will hire you for the summer if you buy them shots.

6. My roommate and I are more times than none “those people” at the bar.

7. It’s apparently easy to drink $90 worth of vodka in 2 hours.

8. $90 can buy you a lot of vodka.

17th October 2009

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Even though I know there are harder things to go through in life besides a breakup, it still seems like the most painful fucking thing a person can experience.  My brain and heart are so confused and even a month and a half later each day feels different from the last.  I have been doing really great the last 2 weeks but then today was one of the most lonely feeling days I have had yet.  To try and make myself feel better, I obviously ventured to IKEA to get some new crap that I decided I wanted on a whim.  Thinking this would turn my day around I must say it simply made it worse.

On my way to the magical land that I love it seemed like every song on the radio reminded me of some memory that I shared with the person who I thought was the love of my life.  Thinking that it would be over once I stepped into the giant blue building in front of me I was reminded that my favorite holiday season is fast approaching due to the giant Christmas trees and bright red decorations that swarmed around me as I tried to fight my way into a different section of the store.  It got even worse as “Her Diamonds” started to play and did not seem to stop until it was time for me to check out.  At least it’s over right?  Time to leave and get away from these constant reminders?

Abso-fuckin-lutely not.  Once I got into my car, I knew that when I get home to my apartment it would be empty and would stay that way for another 2 days until my roommate came home from visiting his lovely fiance.  It sent a shooting pain to my heart knowing that there would be nobody to talk to once I got there and I would not be able to show off all my new crap to the person who used to care.  It makes it even worse knowing that the same person who I miss, and probably will for a very long time, is leaving my life and I will never be able to have those memories or feelings of excitement again.  As I sit here and finish writing whatever this is, I am faced with the constant reminder of that as I look at all the boxes full of his stuff and the posters of the concerts we went to all packed up and ready to leave.  I just want this feeling to be over and disappear forever, but unfortunately for me I am forced to play a waiting game that I never wanted to start playing in the first place.

20th September 2009

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Eddie Vedder is so little!  I would love to put him in my pocket and go on a nice road trip.

27th June 2009

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Happy Shooting-out-from-your-mom’s-vag Day, Cat! Hope today is just as magical and special as it was 23 years ago but with less gross stuff and lubrication!

12th May 2009

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the end of an era

It’s that time of year again when I begin to pack up my belongings and go through the random garbage I have kept.  This time it feels a little different.  Instead of finding that one pair of shoes that is a size to big and tricking myself into believing that I will again someday wear these long lost hot pink allegator stilletos, I am asking myself if I really want to lug one more pair of shoes to another apartment far far away.

As for this empty bottle of Kettle One that I just found under my bed, well let’s just keep my dirty little secret between you and me ;)

I am actually quite proud of myself, I have in fact (I swear, this is not a joke) thrown away FOUR pairs of shoes and about SEVEN purses.  If my mother saw me doing this, she would probably wrap me in a wool blanket and rush me to the nearest hospital telling them I must be going into shock.  As I began to toss out my old shoes and handbags that I once used to love but have sadly forgotten over the years, I became excited over the new room I was aquiring for NEW shoes and purses galore.  I began to quickly realize that this may counter the whole point of me going through everything, but wasn’t too concerend about it, so i accepted my line of thinking.

Damn, now I really want to have some Kettle One.

In less than one week, I will shove my boxes into a moving truck and leave Winona behind me forever.  Sure, maybe someday I will visit, but it will just be that and nothing more.  As I drive heading North on US 61 and look in my rearview mirror, I believe there may be a good chance of me growing up and realizing that my drinking habits are now classified as borderline alcoholism.  And because of this ladies and gentlemen, the end of an era has arrived and it is time for me to welcome it with open arms, and possibly a sponser.

8th May 2009

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My boyfriend and my best friend both just graduated, we are real people now!! I am so proud of them!  Woo!